CAKETASTROPHE!! (By Special Request)

Jul. 21st, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

I was perusing the Cake Wrecks Facebook page the other day (where every follower gets a free invisible puppy!!) when I came across a rather unusual request:

Ahh, so you want to pop open the hood and take a gander inside the wrecks, is that it, Jennifer?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

BEHOLD!!

 

And BEHOLD!!

 

KEEP BE-HOLDING!

 

Hey, Jennifer, you ever wonder how cupcake cakes (ptooie!) keep their icing from falling through all those big gaps?

NOW YOU KNOW.

 

We just saw last week how a gender reveal cake failed to actually reveal anything - other than plain yellow cake - but here's the opposite problem:

The cake was blue inside with pink icing.

Oy.

 

Now I'm going to show you my absolute favorite cake cake wreck of all time, Jennifer, and which I've been hanging onto for just this moment.

First, though, let me explain what (we think) happened:

A bakery was unable to sell a Halloween cake in time, but they didn't want to throw it away or reduce the price. So instead, they simply flipped the entire cake over, icing side down, and re-decorated the other side to make it into a generic birthday design.

CW reader Shannon had no idea of the skullduggery at work until she cut the cake, and found this:

That's a whoooole lotta icing, right there.

(And think how fresh!!)

 

And finally, I know I posted the video of this over on FB a week or two back, but here's a quick .gif reminder of the importance of proper wedding cake support:

OUCH.

(Watch the original video here to see them both continue to laugh hysterically, which is just adorable. Cutest couple ever!)

 

Welp, I hope that satisfies some of your blood lust for caketastrophe, Jennifer!

And hey, for the rest of you, the request line... IS OPEN.

 

Thanks to Cherie O., Leann S., Jaunna, Fribby, Sarah, & Shannon G. for reminding me of those times bakeries accidentally left scissors, a paring knife, and other various cutlery in their cakes - because that was a HOOT. (And also because "TRAUMATIC BIEBER" *still* makes me snort-laugh.)

*****

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Dirty-Minded Decorators

Jul. 20th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Aw, look at the sweet cake for Sarah-Maude's second birthday:

[squinting]

 

Although, those balloons look a little odd, don't they? Let's take a closer look...

[eyes bulging] Great Scott! Hide the children!!

And I KNOW you see what I see, people, so don't even try to accuse me of having my mind in the gutter. It's the Fireman cake all over again.

Eric N., thank goodness this was for a safely oblivious 2-year-old. Still, given how obvious those balloons are, I'm pretty sure I'd steer clear of this bakery in the future. Unless it was for a bachelorette party, of course.

*****

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Initial Discomfort

Jul. 19th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Monograms can add that perfect crowning touch of elegance to your wedding cake.

 

Or, they can look like this:

Proof that sometimes it's better to quit before letting your five-year-old write on the cake.

 

Still, it could be worse.

The monogram could match the rest of the cake:

Hey, it's not easy to make tinfoil look this good.

 

If you do find a mistake in your cake's monogram, don't panic. There are plenty of seamless ways for your baker to fix the error.

This isn't one of them.

 

Now, I'm all for sharing new words, broadening folks' horizons, furthering education, etc, but if you have to explain to the baker of your wedding cake what a monogram is - a "T, J, and H" put together, for example - then maybe, just maybe, a few alarm bells should go off.

Or I suppose you could just take your chances.

After all, what could go wrong?

Heh.

Aheh.

Heh.

At least the quotes add a little something "extra."

 

Thanks to today's wedding wreckporters Anony M., Hilary R., Cyndi P., & Cyndee M., who think all bakers should be required to ask, "Can I quote you on that?"

*****

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As You Wish

Jul. 18th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

"Okey dokey, let's just double check that order form."

Flavor: Chocolate

"Check!"

Decoration: Chocolate dipped strawberry, ganache swirl and chocolate shavings over buttercream.

"Check, check, and check!"

Inscription: Leave blank

"Check!"

 

Thanks to Ross E., the bakery manager who managed to catch this before the customer arrived. Great work, Ross!

*****

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There's Sergals In This Post

Jul. 18th, 2017 02:28 am
armaina: seriously dudes, not stock art. (Default)
[personal profile] armaina
So I guess related to my last post about Ownership,

Back to the subject of death of the author, I hate that this phrase is regarded as a universally positive thing.

I mention the word rapist but there's no actual assault, also I mention genitalia attributes?? more rambling )

exfriends

Jul. 17th, 2017 08:50 am
armaina: seriously dudes, not stock art. (Default)
[personal profile] armaina
Friends and acquaintances have come and gone in my life. Some amicably, some... Not so much. But one thing I want to be clear about: My pain is not your pain.

If I have had a falling out with a person, I generally don't want other people involved if they weren't already involved before hand. I don't like losing friends, I get no pleasure in cutting off people I cared about so I don't like it when I'm not allowed to grieve. Talking about how 'bad' an ex-friend was, doing nothing but pointing out the negative, that doesn't help me. No, really, please don't find me and tell me what tiny, minuscule infraction bad ex-friend is doing now unless it's relevant. Maybe a little comeuppance where appropriate, or settling of concerns or fears, but really, they're not a part of my life, I don't need to know what they're doing with their lives unless it's to help me avoid them. If I have someone filtered out, there's a reason for it. Good things happened with those people, let me have that at least. Not everyone copes in the same way and that's fine.

Related to that, I do not care who are friends with my ex-friends. Those people might have hurt me but that doesn't mean it's the same for everyone. Other people are allowed to have different experiences with ex-friends than I had. Long as you don't try to force me to interact with them, I don't care. At most, there are some people I worry about being mislead or mistreated by a person, but if there has been change I'm not going to let personal experiences get in the way of that. (for the record, I don't negatively judge people who can't be friends with people who are interacting with an ex friend especially in an abusive situation) At the most I'll worry about people getting abused themselves by people that have hurt me, or I may not trust them as much, but can't really force them to 'choose'.

Interpersonal stuff is complicated.

Guess What!

Jul. 17th, 2017 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

It's time to play everyone's favorite game:

What...Is...THIS??

Hm. Well, it says, "Princess," and there's a scepter and a tiara on it.

So I'm going with "uterus."

 

Uh...

Also "uterus."

 

"Uterus on LSD."

 

"Uterus with sprinkles"

 

"This is getting ridiculous."

 

And finally, today's bonus round is in the bag:

The magic baby bag.

Awww yeeeeeah.

 

Hey, Mandi B., Elizabeth A., Vicktoria R., Caitlin & Anthony, Kelly J., & Shayna S., you know how to politely refuse a uterus cake, right? "Thanks, but I gestate."

*****

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Sunday Sweets: Drama Queens

Jul. 16th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Lindsey

In a world ...

where it seemed ...

that most cakes were chewed first and THEN sold ...

one cake dared ...

to stand alone.

Made by Sylvia Weinstock Cakes for Jennifer Lopez's birthday

 

This summer ...
Sunday Sweets presents ...
the story of an elite group of renegade cakes ...

By Confectioneiress Cupcakes and Sweets

...who could no longer bear to stand idly by and watch the unknowing public be content with things like CUPCAKE CAKES, or NAKED CAKES, and instead decided to show the world, once and for all ...

 

What a freaking amazing cake really looks like.

By Tickled Cakes

 

With an all-star cast led by Tiersten Dunst, Garnish Paltrow, and Jane Fondant, with a special appearance by Posh Spice,
it's ...

By Anna Elizabeth Cakes, as featured in Wedluxe magazine

 

DRAMATICAKES.

Prepare to be amazed,
enthralled,
flabbergasted...

and hungry.

By Ivory Cake Company

 

Hold on to your seats, as this visual thrill-ride takes you beyond the average world of poorly-piped productions, and into a snowy scene where silvery footprints lead you through a filigree-framed trompe l'oeil forest:

By Cake Opera Co

 

Where larger-than-life seahorses actually *gasp* look like seahorses.

By Mike's Amazing Cakes

 

Where you'll find yourself asking in disbelief more than once ...
'Are those real?'

By torte di nadia

(I'm talking about the flowers, of course).

 

See why critics are raving:

"Two enthusiastic forks up!"
"I was on the edge of my plate!"
"The taste good movie of the year!"

By Jana's Creative Cakes

 

DRAMATICAKES.
Coming soon ...
To a bakery near you.

By Cake Opera Co.

(If you're lucky).

 

*****

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Face, Meet Palm

Jul. 14th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Ellen K., Kathryn E., Julie V., Louise H., Alexander O., Jessica D., and Lauren H. for today's self-confidence booster.

*****

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Group Chats

Jul. 14th, 2017 01:15 am
armaina: (dotdotdot)
[personal profile] armaina
Discord is cool, I like group chats I like socializing and interact with new people I might never have before, but wow oh wow do I miss one on one conversations, ones that are at least something to look forward to at least.

chatting whine )

Make Mine Crafty

Jul. 13th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Oh, so you want your cake to look like this?

 

Nooo problem.

 

Thanks to Tish B. for proving, yet again, that a picture is worth a thousand facepalms.

 

*****

IMPORTANT ELEVEN O'CLOCK UPDATE:
(Because John was really bored.)

WE CAN GO DEEPER!

It's a picture of a picture of a picture of a cake on a cake.

 

*****

IMPORTANT UPDATE TO THE ELEVEN O'CLOCK UPDATE:

DEEPER!!!

It's a picture of picture of a picture of a picture of a cake on a cake.

 

*****

IMPORTANT UPDATE TO THE UPDATE TO THE ELEVEN O'CLOCK UPDATE:

MWUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

It's a picture of a picture of a picture of a picture of a cake on a cake on a cake!

 

IMPORTANT UPDATE ETC.  

CAKECEPTION!

*****

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Flower Power

Jul. 12th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

When it comes to wedding cakes, there's a right amount of flowers...

[Note: this is not the right amount]

 

...and a WRONG amount of flowers:

If you listen verrry closely, you can actually hear the cake screaming.

 

Bakers know a hefty blanket of fake blooms can cover a multitude of cakey sins:

...including the fact that the groom forgot to pick up the cake.

[Fun fact: this was actually the mother-of-the-bride's hat.]

 

However, at some point the flowers and flotsam cross over from "charming camouflage" into "DEAR GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING?"

When bakers play "To The Pain."

 

Many bakers use silk flowers to avoid the problem of brown droopy blooms on their cakes:

Others use silk flowers to ensure it.

{I'm almost afraid to ask, but why do they even make roses in those colors?}

 

Just remember: sometimes, for some cakes, there simply aren't enough flowers in the world:

In these instances, I advise a large shrubbery.

And maybe a few more of those Keystone Lights.

 

Thanks to Roger G., Alison V., Jen, Anony M., Stacey H., & Michelle C. for making all the two-year-old flower girls out there look extra talented today.

*****

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[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Sometimes when a cake makes no sense, it's helpful to ask yourself, "What do you suppose the customer asked for?"

Insults 101: When calling a girl a dog, it's always helpful to be breed-specific.

 

(For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure that's not how Mrs. Hopperband spells her name.)

 

"Look, I just want what every girl wants for her birthday: a big- a$$ cake!"

Eh. [shrugging] As I'm sure every cake-loving girl would agree: close enough. Pass the forks!

 

Sometimes you just want a sugary baked good for no reason at all. And yet, without an inscription, what can Wreckerators wreck? That's why they're so adamant that your cake say something.

And that's also why we get Wrecks like these:

Give it a minute.

 

Jen B., Stephanie W., Autumn R., & Sara G., one "Ho Thing Special," comin' up.

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