Sunday Sweets: Stained Glass

Sep. 24th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

"Color is to the eye what music is to the ear."

- Louis Comfort Tiffany

What does "stained glass" make you think of? Church windows? Fancy light fixtures?

How about gorgeous cakes?

(By Queen of Hearts Couture Cakes)

Ooh la la! So soft and pretty; I love the watercolor feel to those colors.

 

(By Paige Fong)

This cake practically glows, it's so vivid. And I like how the flowers are mirrored in the artwork.

 

(By Maggie Austin Cake)

I can't imagine the time it took to pipe and paint even one of these layers, much less four.

 

(By Corrie Cakes)

These cookies look like sun catchers! Doesn't the blue background look like a cloudy sky showing through?

 

(By Melissa Alt Cakes)

One of my personal favorites today! There's a great little Tiffany museum here in Florida, and this one reminds me the most of some of his windows there. Something about all those glowing greens and rich orangey-browns... Just lovely.

 

(also by Queen of Hearts Couture Cakes)

Both are amazing, but that blue! WOW.

 

(By Bittersweet Pastry)

Perhaps more of a mosaic than stained glass, but I'm blown away by the 3D flowers! Such a great design.

 

And another tile mosaic:

(By Passionate Cakes)

So much detail! Can you imagine how long it would take to place all those tiny pieces?!

 

These flowers look like they're bursting out of the glass design:

(Also by Maggie Austin Cake)

So. Cool.

 

And finally:

(By Vinism Sugar Art)

I take it back; I think this is my favorite. The balance of dark and light, the perfectly blended colors, that butterfly...! It belongs in the Tiffany Museum! Or my belly. One of the two, anyway. ;)

 

Hope you guys enjoyed! Happy Sunday!

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Squeakity Squeakers Squeak

Sep. 22nd, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

 

 

Thanks Julie A. for the cake, the cake for Kuzco, the cake chosen specially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's cake.

That cake?

*****

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A Series of Unfortunate Monograms

Sep. 21st, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Who thought this was a good idea?

 

Or this?

(Never in my life have I so fervently hoped that a cake was chocolate.)

 

Or, Aunt Flo help us, this?

"So, when's the party?"

"At the end of the month."

 

Amy M., Jenna B., & Kim W., URQTs. At least, I like to think that you are. Not in a creepy way, of course, or like I know firsthand because I secretly stalk you or anything...that would just be weird. I mean, look, I'm just trying to give you a friendly compliment, in a completely platonic, non-stalker-esque kind of way, Ok? Ok. As you were.

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Wedding Wrecks, Fangirl Edition

Sep. 20th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Imani wanted this cake for her wedding, only with bright lime green flowers instead of pink:

 

She got this:

 

Yeeeah.

 

And Meredith asked for this design with little pumpkins instead of apples:

 

... but she got this:

 

Preach.

 

And finally, as a baker herself, Zoey decided to keep her wedding cake design SUPER simple to avoid potential wreckage:

No piping required! Just plain frosted tiers and colored sugar crystals!

 

Say it with me, now:

What could possibly go wrong?

 

Oooh, Sherlock, you so bad.

 

Thanks to Imani R., Meredith R., & Zoey K., who want to know if I seriously just turned this post into a SuperWhoLock love fest. And the answer is yes, YES I DID.

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elfs: (Default)
[personal profile] elfs
"Premium Mediocre."

I've been hearing this phrase a lot in the past couple of days. Some dude (okay, it was Venkatesh Rao) posted his rant about premium mediocrity, the way every experience included "just one more thing" that would somehow make it "premium," while the experience itself occurred on a manufactured platform, with manufactured items, while the staff followed manufactured scripts and wore manufactured uniforms.

Rao ends his take on premium mediocre with a startling claim: premium mediocre, he says, is about "a deep and essential kindness." That we who live the premium mediocre life are playing a game where "sometimes you have to buy your own bullshit" as you willy-nilly try new things, listen to new ideas, and embrace new people. It's something you do "in the spirit of learning about your part in the emerging theatre."

I have to call bullshit on this. Recognizing the reality of premium mediocre is something entirely different. Premium mediocre is the outcome of a civilization that delivers everything. I mean, seriously: Every single one of us eats better than Napoleon! Every single one of us has more horsepower idling in our driveways than fucking King George III! Every single one of us has a glass rectangle in our pockets that delivers us the world, keeps us in touch with beloveds in every country and every continent. Every single one of us has access to more music than the fucking Beatles could ever hear.

The premium mediocre experience is a recognition that we have all this. We have luxury beyond our great-grandparents' wildest dreams. Sure, it's not uniformly distributed. It isn't fully-automated queer space communism. But it is crazy luxurious for a lot of us.

There is exactly one feature missing from premium mediocre. Can you guess what it is?

The ones who have to endure premium mediocre can't sneer at others in the same condition. They can't exclude others.

The essential activity of the rich today is the building of walls – walls of concrete, of electronic surveillance, of missile barrages, minefields, frontier controls, and opaque media screens. That's what is missing. Recognizing your state as one of premium mediocrity is recognizing that you're not good enough to get into the rarified air of flight lounges, concierge services at Burning man, and Mar-A-Largo. Some of it is handwringing that you're not Walter White or Scarface, you're not callous enough, and to call it "mediocre" is to recognize that you will always be mired in the tiny little shreds of humanity that bind you together.

Rao's call to kindness is to say that the Clueless and Losers outnumber the Psychopaths, and we may as well enjoy our kindness, because we're never gonna get anywhere else. We're never gonna be able to enjoy the envy of others. Premium mediocre, for all its luxury, is the best you're gonna get.

Let's Play Telephone

Sep. 19th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Ever wonder what could possibly go wrong with a simple inscription on a basic cake? Well, WONDER NO MORE. 

Below I've listed the inscriptions some of my trusty Wreckporters ordered from professional bakeries, followed by the cakes they actually received:

 

"God Bless Neal"

I hear it's His middle name.

 

"Welcome Baby Arnold"

The spacing is what really sells it.

 

"Happy Birthday Mom"

Now that's a cake only a mother named Bob could love.

[Btw, I'm starting to wonder if a baker named Bob is doing these on purpose. And if so, I want to shake Bob's hand.]

 

"Congrats British Lit"

I hope this starts a trend; I want to see all the ways bakers butcher "Kyrgyzstanian."

 

"Happy Bandwidth Upgrade Day"

"Band With Upgrade" is the name of my retro Steam Powered Giraffe cover band.

(I realize only about 3 people will get that joke... and I'm ok with that.)

 

"Grats to Dad"

I like to think this is the baker's revenge on everyone who shortens "congratulations" to "grats." "CONGRATS" IS SHORT ENOUGH, PEOPLE.

 

"Old Dirty Thirty"

At some point you stop being surprised. Or so I'm told.

 

"When I'm 64"

That's actually how John says it when he's singing in his "drunk McCartney" voice, so maybe Kit sang her order over the phone. Drunk. While imitating Paul McCartney. 

(Don't keep us in suspense, now, Kit: did you?)

 

Thanks to Colleen C., Suzanne R., Morgan & Eric, Katie D., Ethan D., Leslie C., Becky L., & Kit K. for really phoning it in today. ;)

*****

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Now That's A Bad Day

Sep. 18th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Where is the moment we needed the most?

You kick up the leaves and the Volvo is lost...

You tell me your blue skies fade to grey

Your baker still hates you, too, they say

But I don't need no carryin' on!


You fall in the line just to hit a new low

You pretend that you meant to, but everyone knows


You tell me it's hard working here offline

Your coworkers mock you all the time

But I don't need no carryin' on!


So you had a bad day

You're itching downtown,

You sing a sad song just to drown out the sound!


You say you must know,

You tell me don't lie,

Then you work on a smile and you opt for the pie.


You had a bad day!

Now that's a bad day.

 

Thanks to wreckporters Connie L., Deborah P., Melissa F., Fribby, Monique R., Anony M., & Rachel B. for inspiring a new CW policy: from now on, we want any and all apologies handwritten. ON CAKE.

*****

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Posted by Jen

Whether you're a kid or just feel like one, nothing beats seeing one of your favorite characters in cake, am I right?

And if you've already seen Guardians of the Galaxy 2, I bet this is one of your new favorites:

(By Tattooed Bakers)

HE IS GROOT!

And just look at all that fabulous detail & airbrushing!

 

Here's another favorite no one's ready to "let go" just yet:

(By The Hobby Baker, photo by Alison Greenwood)

Olaf! Let's just pretend he's singing our version of his summer song.

(Those waves are fantastic, btw; love how the number 5 is floating off to the side.)

 

Groot and Olaf may be the new characters in town, but some classics never get old:

(By Sonata Torte)

Winnie-the-Pooh, and the whole gang, too!

 

I'll admit it: I still love cartoons, and I still really love the Ninja Turtles:

(By You've Been Cupcaked)

Look how cute! And lookit Mikey on his back! D'awww.

 

This next one is for my fellow writer Sharyn, because "it's so fluffy I'm gonna die!!"

(By The Bunny Baker)

That's Agnes from Despicable Me, and I want her stuffed unicorn.

 

Ever see a character you grew up with and instantly get the show's theme song stuck in your head?

(By Richards' Cakes)

"Down in Fraggle Rock!"

 

Time for another favorite, this time from The Lego Movie:

(By April Heather)

Yay Unikitty!

Would you believe April is just a hobby baker? She made this for her daughter, so I think I speak for us all when I say, "JEALOUS."

 

How about an old arcade classic?

(By Sculpted Sweets)

It's Pac-Man, now in 3D! Great design, great colors.

 

And everyone's favorite Pixar robot:

(By Sweet Disposition Cakes)

Wall-E! Look closely; that "dirt" is actually chocolate sprinkles.

Here's a fun flashback for you: my first Sunday Sweets EVER was of a Wall-E cake.
I also have the Pop Funko toy perched on my monitor, so he can watch me while I work. :)

 

And another universally loved 'bot - though I think he prefers "droid":

(By Mira que Tarta)

R2D2!

Like Wall-E, there are a TON of great R2 cakes out there, but I love the extra details here: the themed number 7, the Tatooine landscape, and those bitty yellow wires on R2's "feet."

 

And finally, from droids to dragons:

(By Richards' Cakes)

WOW.

This How To Train Your Dragon masterpiece needs a closer look, so here are a few detail shots:

He's even wearing a saddle!

I'm amazed bakers this talented don't also go into the clay figurine business. I'd buy some of these dragons for my desk in a heartbeat!

 

Hope you enjoyed your Sweets today, everyone! Happy Sunday!

*****

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Fade To Wreck

Sep. 15th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Just when you thought Fridays couldn't get any better, along comes...

WEDDING WRECKS!

 

Molly S. ordered this lovely ombré design for her wedding cake:

But instead, she got this:

Molly paid $500 for it.
It was still frozen solid in the middle.
And it left a giant puddle on the tablecloth.

NEXT!

 

Stephanie R. tells us the bride wanted a combo of these two cakes:

Oooh. Aaah.

So, a blue ombré fade on a smooth tiered cake with a monogram?

ROGER THAT.

o.0

***

ROGER, KILL THAT.

 

And finally, not a wedding cake, but Michelle tells me they wanted this for Madisyn's birthday:

 

I guess the baker didn't feel like making all those strands of fondant, though - which would probably be ok, provided the aforementioned baker can pipe even lines of oh who are we kidding.

Mmm. Finger-y.

 

Thanks to Molly, Stephanie, & Michelle for reminding us maybe it's time for a new trend. I'm thinking... chevrons. Eh? What could go wrong?

*****

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Happy Womb Expulsion Day!

Sep. 14th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

 All together, now!

 

Happy bathday to you...

 

Happy birdhday to you...

*sigh*

[ahem]

Happy BLIMDAY dear...

[whimper]

 

Brithty sooo-oong...

[sound of head banging on desktop]

 

HAAAAPPY...

 

 

 

(For a 90-yr-old grandmother)

 

 

(Supposed to be "Matthew.")

 

OH FORGET IT.

 

Thanks to Alex B., Alexander O., Aaron, Brittany G., Amber T., Anita B., Allison R., Anony M., Gemma G., Genevieve B, & Julia G. for the wreck-along.

*****

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John's Final Straw

Sep. 13th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Natalia R., Anony M., Sandra B., Lisa S., and Vicky G. for sparking the idea.

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Stick A Pick In It

Sep. 12th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

"...and to avoid any possible mistakes, instead of any writing on the cake I'd like you to just use one of those plastic 'Happy Birthday' picks, please."

 

"No, no, I don't want you to write it, I want you to use one. You know, the 'Happy Birthday' sticks? Yes. One of those."

 

"Maybe I'm using the wrong word. Um... do you have a decorative plaque you put on cakes? One that says 'Happy Birthday'? Because that's all I want. Really. Just that!"

[massaging temples]

 

"See, now you just wrote 'pick' again."

 

"Aha! Well, you DID use some birthday plaques this time. But see, that's all I want! No writing, just one plain 'Happy Birthday' plaque."

 

"I feel like we're going in circles here.

 

"Tell you what, forget the sticks, picks, and plaques, k? Go ahead and write happy birthday. JUST HAPPY BIRTHDAY. That's it. Got it?"

 

Thanks to Emily H., Garret E., Dan N., Savannah W., Shelly F., Melissa W., & Evan H. for today's just desserts.

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